the age of anxiety

L.A. has the best apocalyptic-looking sunsets ever. I don't even have to leave the house to get a great shot! I like this one, it's moody.

Sometimes reading a book can just transport you, but sometimes it can put you over the edge. I'm reading a book about one's own personal achetypes, and it's good, but so very hard. ANd all these lonely images of myself keep coming to mind. Maybe things are more vivid to me when I'm alone? I don't know. I have this one image of a little me, holding someone's hand, being led around, feeling drained, like I have been sick or I'm recuperating from something. I suppose you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out, what with my adoption issues etc.

Am I just alone on the inside, all the time? That is not my only side, I do know that.

Also for the past few days I close my eyes and am back in San Francisco, just me, walking alone a lot like I used to do. Just me and my MBTs. Roaming all over. All by myself. Sometimes with not very much money. Trying to take care of myself. Trying to appreciate thinsg for what they are and not freak out about what I don't have. WAlking home from work, walking to the store, walking to Peet's, Trader Joe's, Mel's, up Fillmore to Washington, just walking to gt out.

Mo and Mavis are making breakfast and I should go join them, but--I was going to say I haven't had the chance, but that's not true--I haven't had the presence of mind to be writing much and I really do want to be. It is totally part of my self-care that I have been pushing aside. The new job is definitely tiring, and the everything else is tiring too. But I need to be doing this.

Mavis doesn't know it yet but we are going to get some cats today! She is going to be surprised. Of course she isn't here all the time so we'll be sharing responsibilities, but it'll be fun and good for her to have some creatures to look after. I interviewed the Director of LA Animal Services this week, so I made an arrangement to have someone help us out today.